why does he keep calling me everytime they have a fight and she storms out of the apartment? For f ucks sake... let the girl be pissed in peace by herself. It's like if he doesn't know where she is for more than 5 minutes he panics... first calls me, then the police...
is that seperation anxiety or something? WTF!?
QUIT TRYING TO INVOLVE ME IN YOUR F UCKING RELATIONSHIP AS SHOLE!
Sounds like a control thing. Afraid she'll get away, so tries to know everything about every second. Sad. For both of 'em.
Choke collars aren't comfortable. You either get to behave and walk quietly without pulling, or you yank at them and wiggle around and try to get away. Wow do I need sleep.
Hope your friend and the guy learn how to deal with each other without anyone getting choked to death. Goodnight. :)
-- Edited by Diana at 05:48, 2007-09-24
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
(actually I already pretty much figured it's a control deal, I just don't wanna be involved in these silly games. For fu cks sake grow up and start acting like an adult, ya know?)
I think it's time I send "her" an email about this for him to read next time he's going through her emails.
Not something you want to be drug into that's for sure.
I've decided that should I personally ever get into another relationship the absolutely most important thing is trust. You've got to be able to trust each other. Oh, and he should be hot. Hehehe. :D
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
I once learned about trust issues and thought of myself as a controlling prick, much the same as this feller kinda seems like.
I never had any control issues with anyone else until the last one. It came after multiple lies, hidden emails about me from her friends and guys they wanted her to meet... while she was living with me... no, i never snooped in her emails but one day she got an IM from a friend asking if she'd got the email about so and so that she'd sent and that he really wanted to see her again...
In comes the control issues, insecurity, and just plain bad relationship problems that would soon end our almost 3 year relationship.
It got to where i'd ask her where she was going, who she was going with, etc... more because I actually knew she'd lie about it and just wanted to hear what she'd say when doing so. Whether or not she was lying or not... since My brain had been tricked into not trusting a single word ever again that she spoke to me.
These same trust issues are the same things that keep me from even trying to have a real relationship again... almost 4 years single and I'm happy with it. I've found that I have a lot of friends both male and female and a few of those even with benefits and I'm ok with that.
This guy seems to have more insecurity than one can really imagine. I'm sure he thinks that at some point he'll lose her to you because you are the good friend that he would really like to be. the bad thing about it is that he's doing everything wrong and sending her further and further away. I remember most of the situation that you've posted here and there and I can't imagine it really working out. People do some stuuuuupid ****, part of life I guess.
Just do her. If he's going to think she's out doing **** with other people then he's already convinced himself of it... whether or not she's done anything or not, if it happens he'll just think, well I knew you were cheating on me!!! even though deep down he's had that exact same feeling for a very long time. My ex still says she never cheated on me but later down the road when she was with another we were sleeping together a lot and she was cheating on him a lot... it showed that she was very able to cheat on him... why would she have never cheated on me? Then again, there really was love between the two of us... Something I know they never really had... he was just a rebound guy that she needed since she's the type that really just "needs" someone, all the time.
yeah, I feel bad for him. He really didn't know what he was getting into with her... sort of. She was point blank honest to him about how she was, her relationship with me, and all that. But I think he had some idea that he was going to change her/ save her or something. For somebody with his issues she's poison. She loves chatting it up with people online. She gets off on flirting, making herself accounts on meet people sites... that sort of thing. She's always been like that. But she never meets up with any of the guys she contacts in real life, only the girls, and only does that when she's got her current others blessing. But still, I can just imagine what that sort of thing would do to spin him out bad. It's just not his world... She tells him, go ahead, you can do whatever you want online too, it's fun. Like he's gunna understand if he does, but that just ain't him.
ehhh... I won't have sex with her in this situation she's in. I'm not that person. It goes against my morals or whatnot, besides not wanting to get into that drama.
I'll be totally truthfull, it's not like anyone but you guys reads this. I do think her and I would work damn well together. We understand eachother, we love eachother... we've got something that none of her husbands/boyfriends have been able to get. And that's always been an issue in her relationships. Probably what keeps them from getting to what we have. She'll always put me above them and I think always will.
I don't know, what needs to happen is that the two of us need to talk about this... alone... as if that could even be arranged. It seems silly sometimes to me that we aren't together. But then there's that whole friendship/relationship thing. It's a weird line to cross and I'm not sure if it's possible. On one hand conventional relationship wisdom seems to say, no... doesn't happen that way. At the same time... the best and lasting relationships, where you grow old together... they're as much about being best-friends as anything else. You can't force romance, but then, in the situation me and her have been in for the last 15 years, where there's always a jealous boyfriend doing all he can to keep us as distant as he can... romance never gets a chance to grow.
ehhh... I hurt my brain when I think about it. It's impossible, but it's so right and obvious that everyone who's been around the two of us for any amount of time can see it plane as day. And that's what drives her others crazy.
I just don't know. Maybe if we gave it a real go, win or lose... it would break the pattern. Either it works and we live happily ever after, or it fails... and we'll be able to let go enough to give somebody else what we have between us.
I think we're both so scared of that last outcome though... we've been eachothers lifelines for so long, neither one of us wants to lose it. It would hurt to bad.
I'm talking in circles... sorry... that happens when I think about this. I'll shut up.
I once learned about trust issues and thought of myself as a controlling prick, much the same as this feller kinda seems like.
I never had any control issues with anyone else until the last one. It came after multiple lies, hidden emails about me from her friends and guys they wanted her to meet... while she was living with me... no, i never snooped in her emails but one day she got an IM from a friend asking if she'd got the email about so and so that she'd sent and that he really wanted to see her again...
In comes the control issues, insecurity, and just plain bad relationship problems that would soon end our almost 3 year relationship.
It got to where i'd ask her where she was going, who she was going with, etc... more because I actually knew she'd lie about it and just wanted to hear what she'd say when doing so. Whether or not she was lying or not... since My brain had been tricked into not trusting a single word ever again that she spoke to me.
These same trust issues are the same things that keep me from even trying to have a real relationship again... almost 4 years single and I'm happy with it. I've found that I have a lot of friends both male and female and a few of those even with benefits and I'm ok with that.
This guy seems to have more insecurity than one can really imagine. I'm sure he thinks that at some point he'll lose her to you because you are the good friend that he would really like to be. the bad thing about it is that he's doing everything wrong and sending her further and further away. I remember most of the situation that you've posted here and there and I can't imagine it really working out. People do some stuuuuupid ****, part of life I guess.
Just do her. If he's going to think she's out doing **** with other people then he's already convinced himself of it... whether or not she's done anything or not, if it happens he'll just think, well I knew you were cheating on me!!! even though deep down he's had that exact same feeling for a very long time. My ex still says she never cheated on me but later down the road when she was with another we were sleeping together a lot and she was cheating on him a lot... it showed that she was very able to cheat on him... why would she have never cheated on me? Then again, there really was love between the two of us... Something I know they never really had... he was just a rebound guy that she needed since she's the type that really just "needs" someone, all the time.
I understand that one can get to the point of perpetually doubting everyone else. There has to be some point though (I think) at which you just take what someone says at face value. Or just stop being around them. Because if you get to the point where you don't trust anything someone else says, then they may be telling the truth and there would be no way for you to distinguish. You're convicting them without a trial.
Anyway, it can be hard to step back and do that, though, especially when strong feelings are involved, etc. But yeah, to assume he'll never come to that realization himself is to be guilty of exactly the same thing. He may change. I can understand just letting things happen...
If they do break up though, BG, you should go for her. :P Then at least you'll know how things would have turned out. Rather than spend your life wondering how it might have been.
There was this one time when I was little... I went to Disney World. And the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were there. I wanted to talk to them, but I was a really shy kid, so even though I wanted to talk to them I ended up going to the Honey I Shrunk the Kids set. And cried. :P Probably sounds spoiled but I've always wondered how differently I would have turned out if I had just taken a deep breath and talked to the large costumed underpaid college students instead of chickening out and going to a movie set I had no real interest in.
