everybody's probably read this one but as long as I'm having a blog here this story has to be included
This is the story of a night about four years ago where I narrowly escaped certain death at the hands of a crazed golfcourse groundskeeper. It was around midnight or so when a call came in to my friend who's apartment I was hanging at. An aquaintance of his was interrested in purchasing some grams of tweak, and this being my friends choice of occupation, we were soon off to do the deed. The aquaintance was a groundskeeper at a golf course on the edges of town (actually in the town next door, but Phoenix is all one big mess of city so it doesn't really count) The golf course this guy worked/ lived at is this high-end ultra ritzy resort called "The Boulders" because of **** like this...
It's really an errie landscape in the middle of the night, especially when one is all loaded up on meth and weed. We finally found this guys shack on the edge of the golf course around 2 am. Picture Bill Murrey from Caddyshack but a little older and three or four times more crazy. All in all though he seemed like a cool d00d. As we're sitting around in his groundskeepers hovel he suddenly get's all animated and with a strange twinkle in his eye asks us if we want to see the moon rocks. So we're like "what the **** are moon rocks?" and he explains that there's this area of the desert he found where there's these little rocks all over that glow when the moons out, best when it's full like it was that night.
Partly out of curriosity, partly so he wouldn't get angry and kill us, we say "Yeah, allright, show us the ****ing moon rocks..."
Now you'd think he'd have picked a few to keep in his yard to show off to people like us, but no. As he explained they only glow in this one certain spot, and nowhere else. So we go off with this crazy **** and hike for about half an hour out into the desert. Even with the moon out it's a **** of a hike. We get all kinds of thorns and **** in our legs because, duh, there's cactus and **** out there. The whole time Mr groundskeeper is telling us about his own unique school transendental meditation and how he's designing an anti-gravity platform that he's going to live on one day. Me and my friend are both humoring him while thinking to ourselves, "this dude is ****ing nuts!"
Finally we come into this little valley, and sure as **** there's glowing rocks in it. Maybe it was a trick of the light, maybe it was the drugs, I don't know. But these little pebble sized rocks which he had arranged all over the valley into various crazy ****er patterns were faintly glowing with a blue-white light. It was some strange ****, really beautifull though. We let him show us around his little magic valley for awhile as he explained how he was trying to get the rocks into crop-circle patterns but they kept re-arranging themselves when he wasn't there.
Finally as we're taking a break, just sitting there on a hill over looking the moon-rocks. My friend is hinting on how it's time to get going, he's got **** to do and people to see. Groundskeeper guy is stalling, pretending like he doesn't hear, and I'm just sitting there in a drugged stupor thinking "Woah!"
Suddenly it get's really quiet, and breaking the silence in a little voice the groundskeeper asks, "You guys want to see the elevator the Venus?"
We're like "what?!??!"
"The elevator to Venus, I found it a few years ago... It's how the aliens get down."
"you've seen the aliens?"
"you can't see 'em, only I can. But you can see the elevator"
As crazy as this **** sounded I was pretty interrested in what an elevator to Venus looked like. My friend however was totally spooked by this point and was adament it was time to go. The groundskeeper told him that was cool, and offered to let me stay at his place so the two of us could go see the elevator without him. It took a few minutes of consideration before I relised what I was considering... Going off into the desert alone with some crazy hick I just met who wanted to show me an elevator to Venus at 2 in the morning. I finally decided that the chances of coming back from a trip like that are slim to none, so I had to politely lie and say "some-other time fo' sure man, but we like gotta get back." So the three of us hike on back, groundskeeper guy all pouty now and me and my friend creeped out X 10.
Once we get back to his shack we mumble some quick goodbyes and head our asses on out of there. The whole drive talking about whether we'd have ever come back from Venus or not and just how long it would be until we saw Mr Groundskeeper on the front page of the paper with a "24 Dead at Hands of Crazed Gardener" headline.
I still wonder what was really going on out there in the desert, with the moon rocks and the anti-grav platform, the drugs and the crazy gardener and especially what the hell would have really happened if I had gone on the trip to see the elevator to Venus.
That's a weird story...I don't know what to think ! You do know that you are prolly almost as messed up as that gardener was, for almost going along with it, right? I thought you would have had plenty of 'moon rocks' to go on the 'elevator to Venus', anyway .
That's my favorite of your stories Bionic. Ever consider going back to see what the elevator was? With back-up or something. . . But when you go back of course he'll be gone. That's how it always happens you know.
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
yup... it's one of those Jim Morrison dancing indian situations... if ya don't sit down and have a pow-wow with him right there and then, he blows away like dust in the wind and you'll never get the chance again
! You do know that you are prolly almost as messed up as that gardener was, for almost going along with it, right? I thought you would have had plenty of 'moon rocks' to go on the 'elevator to Venus', anyway 
.
